It’s the 30th of August 1995. Nagoya, Japan. Wayne McCullough has just defeated Yasuei Yakushiji in his own backyard winning the WBC Bantamweight championship of the world, creating history by being the only Irishman to win a WBC title. A statistic that still stands to this day. He’s on top of the world, he achieved all the dreams set out when he stepped into a ring in Belfast at age 7. His legacy is edged into the history books forever.
Fast forward a year later in 1996. Las Vegas, Home of Wayne McCullough. A rope has been wrapped around a beam in the family living room. Beneath the rope stood a broken man. A man who had struggled in silence. A man, who despite winning world championships and conquering the sport he loves, was ready to end it all.
“It gets to the point where you’re not scared to kill yourself. It becomes scary because the plan has been done.”
McCullough Reflecting On His Past
These were the words of Wayne McCullough reflecting on the night he attempted to end it all, words which reflect the mental state of so many people around the world.
The man who stood underneath that rope was a world champion, an Olympic medalist and a husband. He was a future father and a future spokesperson for mental wellbeing.
All that Wayne McCullough went on to achieve could have been lost that night, he specifically notes the birth of his daughter as a key moment he could have lost.
“My daughter was born in 98 She was born two years after that so I wouldn’t have even seen her, when you think of things like that you’re like well, I’m thankful”
He tells me that it’s not an overnight process and it takes a toll for a long time.
“Mental stuff like that doesn’t happen overnight. Normally the handover process could be months could be a year.”
This had built up in McCullough after years of silent coping until the day he tried to end his life.
“I wasn’t crying for help. Nobody even knew.”
Where it all Started?
He said it all started in 1996 after his first defence of the WBC title against Johnny Bredahl. McCullough names the Bredahl and Jose Luis Bueno defences as ones he was keen to produce for the fans of Irish boxing. It was key the fights took place in Belfast, where McCullough was born and in Dublin where he fought as an amateur.
“I said I wanted to have my first defence in Belfast where I was born and my second defence in Dublin where I fought most of my amateur career. We did that, I lost money by doing it, but it wasn’t about the finances. I wanted the fans to know that I would bring the belt home to them. North and south of Ireland and I did that”
Although he put on two wonderful homecoming world championship bouts for the Irish boxing fans, McCullough himself was struggling behind the scenes.
“My second defence and sure enough after that fight was when this started to go on me (pointing to his head)”
McCullough was known for his nifty movement and his defence, he never got stopped in a fight and the cruel fate there was no defensive move McCullough could use to defend his pain inside.
“I even had the place I was gonna do it in my home. How I was going to do it, two leather jump ropes. So there were going to hold a small man like me but I made sure with two leather jump ropes, that’s how deep I was in within my head.”
McCullough knew he couldn’t do it during the day, so he planned it in the middle of the night so his wife who “sleeps so soundly even Big Ben couldn’t wake her” wouldn’t notice.
“That night I waited until she was in deep sleep, two o’clock in the morning or something like that. I had tied the rope up across the beam and I had the nouse in my hand ready to do it”
But in an act only McCullough could describe as a sign from god Wayne’s wife, Cheryl Rennie awoke from her slumber.
“I’m stood there with a rope in my hand and she wakes up and I was shocked. She was shocked and we both broke into tears. Then of course we discuss things I got help and from that day forward I’ve helped other people since.”
Wayne Still Helps Others
Still to this day McCullough struggles with his mental wellbeing but tries to use it to help others like him.
“I still get help. Still, even today I take medication. I’ve been taking it since 96. Since I saw a doctor up in Denver. It’s a day of day to day battle. I don’t think you really ever get over it but when you talk about it, it’s the best thing to do.”
He reinforces the importance of speaking out and getting help that is needed.
“Some people they talk about oh, you’re just being stupid. You know the usual. They are the wrong ones. Certain people will listen and they will help you.”
“They probably looked at me thinking you’re crazy. You’ve got everything can’t get depressed but a lot of celebrities do get depressed. You have to talk, anybody who’s in that deep into depression, talk to somebody please because when you get to that point, You’re going to do it.”
The Irish world champion has great faith in god and believes that the faith he had in god sent his wife in that night to save him.
“I believe my wife, god sent her down. I’ve got good faith in god and its good to have that when entering a boxing ring but there’s good reason why I have faith in god”
“You could sit there with a big gong in her ear and she wouldn’t wake up. But she woke up that night. Why? I could question why but I know why. To keep me alive that’s why.”
He reiterates that it’s a gradual thing and isn’t something that you wake up with or that suddenly goes away.
“When you first start getting depression you don’t think about killing yourself. You’re just you’re just depressed, just sad. I trained every day and I still got ready for fights but mentally inside your mind you’re gone. You put on a front by saying yeah I’m great. When you’re really not.”
How To Help Others
He now dedicates his time to focusing on helping others who have had similar battles to himself and says to make sure everyone around you is okay.
“Just text them to say how are you doing?”
After going through the battle Wayne makes a specific example of a friend who is struggling and how he helps them.
“I text them to say how are you doing? He was like I’m doing great. Then for for quite a couple of weeks, he disappeared. So I kept texting, texting, texting, and he finally got back. He says I’ve just been through stuff. So if I’m bugging them with personal attacks, they know that somebody actually does care about them.”
“A lot of people are frightened to open their mouth and talk about it because they feel like they’re embarrassing themselves. I’m a world champion am I embarrassed? No, because when I opened my mouth I realised how many people are going through the same thing and they were frightened to open their mouths, it’s about talking, you have to talk and it’s just better to talk otherwise if you don’t talk, you’re probably gonna end your life.”
At the end, Wayne exclaimed how important it was for modern-day celebrities and fighters to speak up so that people could feel helped.
“It’s a daily battle. People see guys like them (Ricky Hatton and Tyson Fury), let’s say the modern-day guys. They think it can’t happen. It really doesn’t matter if you’re unemployed. It doesn’t matter if you’re a millionaire. Depression can still happen to anybody. And when they see guys like that. They know it can happen to anybody.”
Featured image credit to Embed from Getty Images
